


Disney Therapy

by sunflower1343



Series: Therapy [23]
Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 21:45:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12198000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower1343/pseuds/sunflower1343
Summary: Asami, Feilong, Takaba and Tao enjoy a family movie night featuring Fantasia. In a separate short, they visit Disney World and wreak destruction on the evilest ride on earth.





	Disney Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> I just noticed I linked Disney to Therapy twice as crack fic. Don't ask me why, I have no idea, except friends were egging me on. Yeah, it's their faults... Anyway, I thought I'd put them into the same post since they're related. There's no time-frame related to these. (There's no sense related to these either.) You probably need to have seen Fantasia to get anything out of the first since it's the equivalent of an Asami reaction video.
> 
> Written sometime in 2008, 2009, probably late at night and drunk.
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~

Fantasia Therapy

 

Asami lifted Tao out of the prime seat in the house between Akihito and Fei and deposited him on the floor before taking the vacated spot. "The king sits here."

Tao glared up at his dad. "You do look a bit like Elvis. J-Elvis."

Fei laughed. "Jelvis? That sounds like he should be swimming in the Ceement Pond with Ellie May."

Akihito looked at him strangely. "I never figured you for a fan of the Beverly Hillbillies, Fei. Though your brother was a bit like old Drysdale."

"And Yoh is like that homely secretary," Asami mused.

"I heard that!" came faintly from the direction of the hallway.

"So what are we watching tonight? Action? Violence? Sex? Those are all acceptable."

"Fantasia."

Asami sat up in anticipation. "Is that porn? I'm glad we're finally seeing eye to eye on what the kid can watch Fei. At least you won't be giving me crap now for those DVDs I gave him."

"Tao...!" Fei glared back and forth between his husbands and son.

Tao winced. "Thanks a lot, Dad. Fantasia is animation to classical music."

Asami mulled this over. "Hentai animation?" He said hopefully.

Tao shook his head. "Disney."

Asami paled. "Tell me you didn't say the D word."

Akihito patted his arm. "You can watch it and look for investment opportunities. Think of all Disney is worth."

Asami looked at him skeptically.

Feilong laughed wickedly. "I bet you can't sit through it the whole way."

"Bet what?"

Fei leaned over and whispered into his ear. Asami's eyes widened. "I'll sit through it twice."

"We'll see."

 

\--

 

Asami was fidgeting before the intro was finished. "When was this made?"

"In the forties."

"Damn, then it's probably too late to find that announcer and shoot him."

"Shhhhh!"

"Why? Are you attracted to his sly wit, his jocular nature? That's sarcasm by the way. God, just kill me now."

"Only one hour, fifty-five minutes to go."

"You're enjoying my pain, aren't you?"

"Every minute."

"Remember that in one hour, fifty-six minutes."

"Shhhhhhhhhh!"

\--

The Toccata and Fugue was at least a decent piece of music. It also sounded like an appropriate addition to the soundtrack to a crime lord's life. He briefly imagined having it play when he and Fei walked into the office in the afternoon and he chuckled. Akihito immediately felt his forehead. Fei felt for a pulse.

"What the fuck?" He shook them off, annoyed. "Can't a guy enjoy some music?"

"No!"

He glared at them for the rest of the song.

He put Akihito's hands over his ears for the next intro.

Then fairies and flowers started dancing across the screen to the Nutcracker. He almost moaned from the stomach-churning nausea. Then he perked up a little.

And got an elbow in the ribs from Akihito. "Stop that, Ryu!"

"Stop what?" 

"I know what you're thinking."

"They're naked and down on all fours! Who wouldn't be thinking that?"

Tao turned around, shook his head, then turned back.

"You've disappointed your son."

"Tao'd be thinking the same thing if they had breasts."

The flowers disappeared and "Chinese" mushrooms took their place. Fei sat up, furious. "Of all the blatant stereotypical racist – oh that little one looks like Tao, doesn't it?"

"Mushroom-san, cute enough to eat..."

Tao paused the film and gave them each a death glare. Unfortunately for him, the crimelord, assassin, and journalist all thought that was just adorable. He turned around with a sad little sigh and started the DVD running again.

Asami felt for the kid. "Tao, we'll get you a gun tomorrow."

"Really?" the boy asked hopefully.

"NO!" Fei and Akihito shouted.

"Spoil sports," Asami muttered.

He tried paying attention to the movie again. More flowers, these spinning like tops. He got another elbow. 

"Stop trying to see under their dresses."

"Nag."

Slow, seductive music began playing. Some very feminine angel fish swam across the screen, their fins serving as veils in their erotic dance. Akihito shifted on the couch. "Is anyone else getting turned on by fish?"

"I'd do them."

"You'd do anything with legs... wait, just how exactly would you do a fish.... No, wait!" Akihito held a hand up as Asami started to speak. "I just don't wanna know."

Asami looked at Akihito tenderly. Still so innocent. There were so many ways to have sex that didn't involve penetration. After he finished with Fei tonight he'd borrow one of his silk scarves and let Akihito learn one of the better ones.

Loud music brought his attention back to the screen. Russians!

There was a snort to his right. He looked over to see Feilong laughing quietly. "What's so funny?"

Feilong pointed with a shaking finger at the yellow-headed Russian flower dancing around. "Arbatov!" More laughter burst from him. Asami patted his shoulder and left him to his glee.

Then more flowers and nymphets appeared. He glanced down at Akihito. "If the elbow moves, I'll be inserting it somewhere later that you'll find very painful."

The elbow didn't move.

But the man doing introductions came back. Asami turned to Fei. "Do I get points deducted if I bury my head between your thighs?"

Fei obviously grappled with himself. He squirmed a bit, his body saying "Do me, do me!", his mouth not wanting to admit it. 

Akihito was rolling his eyes. "Just give it up Fei. No one can resist that."

Fei grabbed Asami's hand and dragged him out of the room. They missed the next four segments.

They came back just as the sun was breaking through the clouds for Beethoven's Sixth.

"Ah," Asami said as he sank onto the couch and stared at the capering centaurs and nymphs. "How delightfully cute."

Akihito kicked him. Fei had the grace to blush. Asami didn't even complain about the next introduction.

What followed left them all speechless. Fei started giggling when the ostriches attempted a pas de deux. Akihito lost it when the hippo shyly pulled at her tutu. Tao was rolling on the floor by the time the crocodiles showed up. Seeing the men he loved helpless with laughter, how could he not smile? He was careful to blank his face though before they noticed.

Sadly, it ended all too soon with the pedantic idiot coming back once again to explain what was obvious.

"How much longer do I have to hold out?"

"Hold out?" scoffed Tao. "You only made it to the thirty minute mark before running off with Father."

"He said that didn't count. Did it Fei?" He turned his head and licked his lips. Fei shuddered and shook his head. "There. You see?"

Akihito eyed them both in disgust. And maybe a little envy. "You have twenty minutes."

"Don't worry," Asami whispered, leaning over. "You'll get your turn later. I'll bring the silk."

Akihito squirmed. He was distracted by Tao exclaiming, "Hey, it's Dad!" and pointing at the large image of Satan fondling his minions on the screen to Night on Bald Mountain.

Asami gazed down fondly at his son. "And just think Tao. One day you'll inherit all of that. My little devil. That looks like my kind of party."

Sadly, the festivities ended all too soon with some church bells.

"I know how he feels. I hate that first burst of sunlight after you've been out all night. He needs to get some sunglasses."

He squinted at the line of glowing lights on the screen. "Are those bugs?"

"They're souls with candles. Walking to heaven."

"That's why religion is useless. If I can't take a limo, I don't want to go there. I'd drive by waving at them."

"You'd be driving in the opposite direction."

"Damned straight," he smirked. "Where else would Satan go?"

The sun came up on the screen.

"And..... we're done!" Asami stood and stretched. "Well this was great. I really liked this film. We'll have to do more Disney some other time. Really, I mean that. Fei, upstairs. Akihito, my room in one hour."

They all looked at him in disgust as he left the room. But it was a fond kind of disgust. They loved him for the very things that annoyed the hell of out them.

Akihito looked at Fei. "Are you going upstairs?"

Fei looked a little sheepish. "Yes. Will you be up there in an hour?"

Akihito blushed. "Yeah."

Leaning against the wall in the hallway outside the room, Asami drew on his cigarette and smiled.

 

~end~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Disney World Therapy

 

 

"I will not."

"But Asami dear, think of how happy it would make Akihito. You're the one who wanted to do more date-like things with him. And no trip to the US is complete without going to Disney World."

"I won't go. And don't tell me you're looking forward to it either, Fei."

"I wouldn't be, except for two things."

"And those are?"

"You'll be even more out of place there than I, and I'll not miss such a moment of comedy gold."

Glare. "And the other?"

"I'm taking That Ride down. No one will ever be tortured by it again."

Pause. "What ride?"

Normally calm eyes were lit with manic glee. "You don't know? It's an elaborate torture device. It's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hopes and a world of fears. Only they trick you and leave the hope and laughter out, scaring the life and soul from children of all ages for life. I'll teach them what fear is!"

O_O (Asami) 

"... I think I'd better go along."

 

\--

 

"Three please."

The ticket girl eyed him dubiously in his three piece suit. "An adult and two children?"

He glanced back at Akihito, who was wearing one of his terrible shirts, a look of idiotic bliss, and mouse ears. And at Fei, whose ninja wardrobe and cackles of glee as he polished his knives were drawing no few stares.

"Yes."

 

\--

 

The whole day was like that. 

Akihito waving his arms like a loon on the roller coaster. Asami sitting with crossed arms in the next car, lit cigarette between his lips, the wind not daring to even mess his hair. Fei crouching in the third car, giggling at having disconnected the rest of the passengers at the top of the biggest hill.

Asami on Pirates of the Caribbean, plunging to the deck of the boat at the first shot, taking Fei and Akihito with him, nailing the pirates with his Glock.

On main street, the big characters capering about them playfully, Akihito dancing about with them. Fei and Asami standing silently at the center of this, tics in their jaws, but practicing patience. 

Until the Mouse showed up. 

"Hey there Mrs. Ninja! You and Dad here don't seem to be having fun. We can't have that!" screamed that squeaky voice that no male anything should have. He grabbed their hands and tugged them toward the dancing.

Asami smirked as Fei exploded into whirling cloud of black death, sending the Mouse flying in a high arc into the tower at Cinderella's castle where his red pants caught on the flag pole, leaving him hanging over the park like a punctured parade balloon.

Asami handed Fei some bills. "Impressive. I wouldn't have thought you could make that shot. The entire day's pain was just made worth it."

Fei eyed the rest of the animals, who were looking at him appalled. As appalled as they could with those glassy eyes. He smiled. "Double or nothing?"

Asami grinned.

Pooh found himself flying after the Mouse. "Oh bother."

The other animals fled.

Akihito stood there with tears in his eyes. Big tears in big chibi eyes. Lips quivering.

"Oh hell," Asami said. "Let's buy him some ice cream then fuck him in Cinderella's dungeon."

Fei eyed the place in disbelief. "That castle has a dungeon?"

"It'll have a dark room. I have my necktie. What more do we need?"

 

\--

 

Akihito wobbled out of the castle, tiara dangling from one ear, wiping melted cream from the places they missed. Fei and Asami followed, relaxed happy grins on their faces. 

"That was definitely the best ride yet."

"Definitely on my A list."

Akihito glared at them. "You'll be sorry. We're going on a ride I want to now. And I want some more ice cream!"

 

\--

 

Asami was shaking. He'd never known horror before this day.

Fei was wrapping a dark scarf about his head. "You want in?"

Asami, speechless, nodded and followed as Fei grasped a bridge they were passing under and lifted himself from the boat.

The security gates at the front of the ride were over-ridden. The plastique was planted. A small pack of concentrate was added to the water.

"Now," said Fei, "for some special effects." He picked up a sledge hammer that was conveniently lying nearby, and swung it like he was Tiger Woods. "Fore!"

As the last boat made it out of the complex, a confused and lonely Akihito on board, park patrons started screaming. The water in the wake of the boat had turned blood red. But the worst was to follow. 

Floating in the water were robotic children's heads from all nations, and for some godawful reason the chips in the heads were still working. They bobbed along through the blood-red water singing, "It's a small world after all, it's a small, small world..."

The stampede from the ride was magnificent, only made more so when the explosives were detonated, a massive fireball putting an end to the horror for all time.

 

\--

 

The pandemonium made it easy for Fei and Asami to escape unnoticed. Akihito was questioned by the police, but no one who saw his confused chibi eyes could possibly think he had anything to do with it. They gave him donuts and cookies and set him free with a pat on the head.

Asami sucked in a lungful of smoke. "That was better than sex."

Fei lifted the cigarette from Asami's lips and took a puff. "Way better. It's almost too bad that's the only one."

Asami hesitated. _Oh, what the hell?_

"It's not the only one, Fei. This was only the first. They've reproduced this ride around the world."

Fei's eyes took on a manic gleam. "You know, I'm starting to enjoy this Disney thing. I'm beginning to think we should make a habit of it."

Asami took the cigarette back before Fei hurt himself and watched a cookie munching Akihito approach. "I had the feeling you'd say that. But before we move on to other parks, we should finish enjoying this one. Didn't I see some ropes at that Swiss Family Robinson place?"

Fei laughed. "You did indeed, my love."

Akihito reached them, still a little dazed, but smiling happily. Asami brushed the cookie crumbs from his face. "You want to go on another ride, Akihito?"

"Really? You mean it?"

"Sure. You'll like this one. Lots of bouncing up and down. You know, I haven't had this much fun in years."

"Yay!" Akihito skipped around them in circles like a four year old high on Pixy Stix.

Fei laughed as they grabbed Akihito's hands and pulled him toward the treehouse. "When you wish upon a star your dreams come true."

 

~end~

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Pixy Stix, a candy from my childhood, are paper straws filled with flavored sugar, producing crazed children within minutes of ingestion from the sugar high.


End file.
